I want to do a short recap from the beginning. If you haven’t been following please start here for more details. Oct. 2003 Quentin and I met, Dec 2004 we got married. 2006 I have my first visit with a doctor about possible infertility. I was told that one year of trying wasn’t enough to tell but my husband should be checked first because he was a truck driver, (apparently sitting all day keeps thing to hot) so he says “no” and we opt for the wait and see option. Possible adoptions failed and chickening out of foster care. As we became more content with where God wanted us we started seeing where we could be used. We got involved in childrens church and went through the ups and downs of kids coming from heart breaking homes. From 2009-20012 we didn’t talk much about having kids, except for the occasional “would we be willing to raise this crack heads kids since she obviously doesn’t?”, stuff.
In 2012 I met a friend who would not only get me thinking about it again but would also make me stronger in what I belived with IVF and fertility drugs. Any friend that can question my beliefs with curiosity instead of belittling or judging me, are the best. I met her at church and a few months later she became our neighbor. I had been in kind of a funk,it seemed my friends all had lives and I was a housewife in a house that never seemed clean no matter how hard I tried. I was self isolating in a way. I was “not feeling well enough to go to church” and basically stayed at home a lot. I think Quentin saw it, as after she moved in he would suguest I invite her over at least once a week. Little did he know that a few months later he would be complaining about how much time I spent hanging out with her, he he.
Because, she happens to be an MA working in a woman’s clinic and be a” fighting for what you want kind of person ” she had no problem asking all of the “whys” with my infertility. Although I had gone to get some answers 6 years earlier I didn’t really get any and not having answers for those “whys”, meant more “whys”. Not too much later I got a job with decent health insurance and decided that it wouldn’t hurt to at least see if there was a reason or even a more major problem to cause infertility…. and the fact that I hadn’t had a pap in 8 years… yikes, was a good excuse too.
What I hadn’t put together was that this new friend worked for the Doctor that I had seen in ’06 for my initial fertility consult. Since I was already established and I there weren’t any appointments available with a female doctor in the time frame I needed, I decided to go to him again. What I didn’t anticipate was how awkward it would be to have a close friend in the room while your having a pap done, especially when laughter is a staple in your friendship!
Of course his first question once again was “has your husband given a semen sample?”, and reiterated the likely hood that it was him, due to his job, and it was by far the least invasive and easiest test to have done. I said I would try to get him on board but it might take a while (which it did). Not knowing if he would do it or not the doctor ordered some labs, LH and TSH. He also ordered an HSG, and explained that it was basically to make sure my fallopian tubes were open and to rule that out. He assumed I was ovulating because I had a fairly regular period.
My labs came back normal but I was super nervous for my HSG. The closer I get to answers the more definitive things seem. What if I’m told there is a major problem and I get a “you will never be able to have kids” or worse yet get “there’s no reason you can’t have kids, good luck”, none of these options sounded good to me. When I was called to make an appointment, I was told that the procedure can be painful and to take ibuprofen about 30 minuets to and hour a head of time. I took that advice as I didn’t want to be in pain all day. I got in to the room wich was a basic x-ray room, she gave me a gown and asked if I had any allergies to shellfish or iodine, to which I said no, because I’ve never been tested for either. I got changed and assumed the position… Honestly the procedure wasn’t that bad, the worst part in my opinion was the speculum, it was plastic and it flet sharp! After it was in place the Dr. then realized that the light wasn’t in it… so he had to hook it up, which ment a whole lot of unecisary wiggling, not the most comfortable. The catheter was inserted into my cervix and a balloon was inflated to prevent the contrast from leaking out that way. The tech lined up the x-ray and moved the monitor to where I could see it. It was really awesome to watch the contrast fill everything up. The doctor explained what I was seeing as the contrast moved through my uterus and fallopian tubes into my abdominal cavity proving that my tubes were open an there were no blockages! Before he removed the catheter he said he didn’t like the position of my uterus and asked if it was ok with me that he reposition it???? Not being one that would argue with a doctor I said sure! He told me it might hurt and to tell him if it does and he would stop. I watched the screen as my usterus stretched out… so crazy! It felt weird, but not painful at all. And that was it, everything was removed and I got dressed. The tech told me that the likelihood of conceiving after an HSG were pretty high because the contrast basicly flushes everything out. Apparently it’s not uncommon to get pregnant within the first year if not in the first two months!
I was good for a little while but by the time I got home, I was cramping pretty bad and I felt drunk? Then it dawned on me, she asked if I was allergic to seafood, which I’m technically not but I feel drunk when I eat it… so the rest of the day I was woozy and my face was numb, just like being drunk. Fish allergy? Probably.
Right before my HSG I was still trying to get Quentin to submit a semen analysis, which wasn’t going so well. And I get it, a man doesn’t want to be told that his boys cant swim. But at the same time I didn’t want a finger pointing at me either but the alternative is not knowing which in my case, was blaming myself anyway just due to family history. When I told him how important it was for me, through my tears, which for me is a big deal because crying doesn’t happen often, he agreed to do it. When we got the results they were normal other than basicly saying that he needed to drink more water.
Although none of these test gave us definitive answers they also didn’t crush our hopes by giving us a hard and fast no it cant happen. On one hand being disappointed by not knowing what to fix, but comforted knowing the basics were ok.
I am so thankful for the people that God has put in my life to encourage me to do the things I want to do but need a push to get started.
No impossibilities 